clarification

The previous may have been a little unclear...

There should be a clear distinction made between longterm relationships, and short term associations. The former are the glue that bind the church together, sutaining it and giving it vibrancy and resiliancy. They are based on a deep commitment of dedication sacrifice and mutual appreciation. The latter may be based on any number of things--circumstance, common interest, or unilateral initiative. They do not bind the church into community because of their transitory nature, however, they may have some value. They bring people together and increase the level of human interaction and they offer the chance to form long lasting relationship.

The problem I see in many programs designed to bring people into the church through relational outreach, is that in their haste to act, they fail to make the distinction, or at least they fail to teach the distinction to the participants. This leads to an emphasis on short term associations, without a clear understanding of how to build these into deeper relationships. Thus the deep relationships that bind a person to the church and sustain them are often left to chance.

So how can we build up the deep friendships that are the life of the church? Should we pick a person at random from the church and decide to cultivate that relationship? I think no. This type of relationship is an organic growth that proceeds naturally. The trick is to learn to fertillize the associations we have that have a chance of turning into a deep relationship. This is the type of relational growth that cannot occur solely at the behest of hurch leaders. It requires a commitment of the church body to build the church through relationships.

Take for example the church I currently attend.


For starters it encourages the members to spend time together by providing food after the service so that people can stay and talk to each other. This increases the level of encounter and interaction and makes the rest possible. It also encourages members to carry this practice of eating together on during the week by having others over to dinner. Because this is done independantly, it works to increase the interaction of people who are inclined to have a relationship with each other. When forced to choose how they spend their time individuals generally tend to spend time with people they enjoy. Over time this builds strong bonds that criss-cross the church. This also acts to strengthen the bonds between people and creates multiple layers of relationship. Perhaps most importantly, the church leadership consciously tries to avoid leadership on most day to day affairs. It has set itself up to play the role of encourager in most activities. This encourages the members to take an active role in creating the type of activities in which they want to participate. Bad ideas and ideas that have outlived their time are allowed to die, while good and fresh ideas are built up and encouraged. This creates a wide range of options from movie night, to men's group, to Bible study, to study group, all led by the people who are most passionate about them. This gives the members a wide range of options and tends to build stronger relationships between like minded people.

The result is a messy unkempt organic growth. A web of connections of various strengths that intertwine and sustain each other. This gives the church a unique strength and appeal. It works naturally to build relationships at every level, and it provides a slow steady growth in committed membership. And it is slow--this is not the model for a megachurch. It is like the qrowth of an oak--slow, but well-rooted, strong, and lasting.