adios

We're going to the cottage. So have a great weekend

A response

CAITLIN ALANE said...
David- i saw someone talk about that book on tv and i was intrigued too. i wanted your opinion on the following. i could never imagine what it would be like to see the horrific suffering of the poor and serve them day in and day out like she did. that environment alone would cause me to question the goodness of God, like all of us are inclined to do. but i couldn't help but wonder...what if mother teressa did not really know the personal love of Christ in her life? (i know this might sound crazy). sure she obediently lived out God's call, but what if she never grasped the fullness of the Gospel? do you think that could be an explanation for her doubts?

Apparently my readership has risen by one to climb to an all time high.

I think this merits a full response. I'll go backwards.

1. I'm not sure that we need an explanation for doubt. It seems to be a normal, though perhaps not universal, part of the human experience. I think it is probably a function of our brokenness. Just a few examples: many Psalms, Peter, Martin Luther, Phillip Yancey. Even Jesus felt far from God, "My God My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?" And these are just people who have been willing to acknowledge their doubt. I feel far from God much of the time. Sometimes it seems like I'm a drowning man, I sink down into sin and doubt and i struggle and struggle and just as I am about to expire God grabs me and pulls me to the surface, then I swim and sink and begin the process again.

2. I am not in charge of writing names in the book of life, and I am not privy to its contents. So i don't know what kind of relationship with God she had. One thing that does seem to be clear in the Bible is that the followers of Christ will be known by what they do. The only test we have at our disposal is the fruit that she produced. And judging by that I'd say, "If not her...who?"

3. Mother Teresa's writings are intriguing to me precisely because she continued to act out her faith in such an uncomprimising manner. Her life is fascinating to me. She saw human existence at its worst and followed God into it.

On rudeness

I've had some people do some pretty rude things to me. But this has to rank up there. I stopped at the grocery store and I was in the twelve items or less aisle. The lady in front of me just had two things. She was standing in front of her cart, and she put them up, paid for them, then walked out...and she left the cart there in the middle of the aisle, blocking the way. She even looked back as though trying to decide whether to bother or not.

The thing that shocked me the most though was her normal appearance. Normally when someone is rude to you, they are young, or rebellious, or whatever...you know what I mean. Or they are in a protected place like on the telephone or in their car. But she was just a normal looking woman. It was amazing.

Maybe she's as spacey as me and when she looked back the shopping cart didn't even enter her field of vision.

It is finished

I am done. I don't know why, but for some reason, they put all of the tests on the same day. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Unless it is an attempt to reward those who have spent time to actually reward those who learned it all along, and punish tose who try to cram it all in at the last minute.

Anyway, I' pretty confident I passed. Beyond that I have no idea. You have to score more than one standard deviation from the mean to honor. And more than one below it to fail. So I may or may not honor these tests.

I felt fairly confident in the morning and grew increasingly less confident as the day wore on. By the end of the third (three hour) test I was pretty worn out.

Tests

My first test is tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it or not. I studied a little today. Matt came down from Detroit to study with me. We got a little bit done. We'll see how prepared I am tomorrow. If I fail I'll have only myself to blame.

That said, I think that I'm going to do alright. Over the last few weeks I've really felt like I shouldn't devote all of my time to study. So I have made a conscious effort to do other things. To spend time with friens and family, and with my wife.

Tonight Luke and Ben are over for dinner. Adrienne asked them to come help us out so that we can get our new dishwasher installed tomorrow. The home warrenty people finally came through. But it turns out the new dishwasher is two inches too tall. So Ben and Luke helped us prop up the countertop and they're going to come back to finish it tomorrow after the new dishwasher is in.

Anyway. I have a test tomorrow and the chicken is done on the grill and it is time to eat. So I'm going to have a good time with friends and go to bed.

If I regret this next week remind me that I wrote this

Happy Anneversary

It's only a week late. And I didn't call. I'm an awful son I know, but here it is now.

29 years, wow!!!

On doubt and sainthood

I was driving yesterday listening to NPR and heard a story about a new book that came out recently. It is a collection of the correspondence of Mother Teresa with her confessors. They read a passage and I was intrigued. The letters often dealt with her recurring doubts about God's existence, presence, love etc. She struggled all of her life.

I would really like to read the book. She had tremendous faith, and she put it into action. She responded to the call of Christ to care for the sick and went far beyond what most of us would even think of. And she struggled to find God. It seems to me that often we ignore pain and frustration in our relationship with God. We want to always follow and believe with the faith of a child. But life isn't like that. Faith is difficult, it is trying, and I would love to read the thoughts and prayers of Mother Teresa as she moved through this.


Incedently, Christopher Hitchens, famous for his recent book on the nonexistence of God, is making a big deal about this and trumpeting it as new proof that God doesn't exist. If a woman so closely identified with Christian faith didn't believe, who does? I don't think he gets it.

On theft

The last couple of times I've gotten gas, I've stopped at this place on the way to school in Detroit. It's a pretty ramshackle place. Most things seem to be falling apart. But the pumps work.

Inside everything that can be concealed easily is behind the counter , which is protected by several thick layers of whatever. You have to slide your card to the guy under the glass.

It's kind of a little grocery store. You know, the essentials, toilet paper, toothpaste, bread, etc. I've heard that the city of Detroit only has one grocery store within the city limits. That may not be true, but I do know I've never seen one.

Anyway, back to the story. Everything is behind glass. But you don't have to prepay for gas. I'm not sure if the people of Detroit just haven't figured out yet that you can steal gas by pumping it and driving off, or if the theives generally don't drive or what. It's strange though. You have to prepay for gas in the nicest gas stations in Tucson.

At least I thought it was strange the first couple times, then this last time I noticed that everyone else does have to prepay. Everybody else has to take their money inside, I just stand there for a second and the guy turns on the pump then I go in and pay when I'm done.

I'm not completely sure, but I think this might be a sad testament to the state of the city and its racial fault lines.

Driving

I normally take I-96 home to Ann Arbor. It's about five miles shorter than I-94 and it has lighter traffic and the speed limit is higher. I don't really understand why people take I-94. But I have to ride on I-94 for about two miles to get to the 96. There are only two exits, but the traffic is usually pretty heavy.

So yesterday I was driving home. The traffic was really bad because for some reason I decided to leave during rush hour. And I was tired and a little out of it. I was listening to Marketplace (which incedently is my favorite show on NPR other than the funny ones on the weekend.

So I got off the highway and realized I had taken the wrong exit onto another highway. So I had to get off that and get back on and then get back to I-94. Then I did it again. I got off at the next exit which still wasn't the right exit. And i had to drive around to get back on the freeway. I couldn't believe that I did it twice in a row. There are only two exits that I have to pass and I got off on both of them.

So I got back on I-94, then I missed my exit. I ended up having to drive all the way back on I-94. It took me more than an hour to get home.

Moral of the story...pay attention when you drive

Studying

I'm having trouble motivating myself to study. I always seem to have this problem. I can only go over the same information so many times before I get bored. So I've reaced this point where I don't really know if I'm prepared or not, but I don't really want to study anymore.

Vote now

What do you think, should I go back to the old template?

On hands

It was interesting today. We started dissecting the hand. Up until today the hands were in a special plastic wrapping. It was strange. I can't really describe it, but somehow when we unwrapped the hands and started dissecting, the body suddenlt seemed more...human, if that makes sense. It had more personality, it was more real.

You have to understand that the face and head are still in a special wrapping. We don't get to that section until unit two. Up until now we've only seen the torso and arm.

Anyway, it was interesting to grasp in a not so intellectual sense, the significance of the hand. Our hands are one of only a few body parts that really set us apart from animals. Our upright posture is dictated by our hands.

I don't know, like I said, it's not something I can describe, but it gives me a little more appreciation for Paul Brand and his quest to save the hands of people with leperosy.

On Umbrellas

I don't like rain. It's been raining for two days now, and I'm sick of it. Where is the sun?

I saw something I've never seen before. I saw an umbrella bent backwards in the wind. I always thought that was a bit of movie exaggeration. But today I saw it happen. This lady was walking down the street with her umbrella and pop, it inverted in the wind and she was left holding a useless umbrella.

On overactive glands

It rained all day today. In fact it is still raining. This is the first day like this we've had in Michigan. We were supposed to go to a picnic on Belle Isle held by a group dedicated to supporting the families of medical students. It got cancelled though, or rather postponed until furthur notice.

So instead we went to game night. I think I wrote about us going a few weeks ago. It's at the house of Luke's boss's house every Sunday night. Since it was raining we played dodgeball in the barn. It was great.

But I think that the physiology of my body adjusted to the air in Arizona. Whenever I play sports or work out here I get ridiculously sweaty...way more than the people around me. Today for example everything I had on was soaking wet and my hair was wet and everything. It was humid from the rain and I obviously ran a lot and played hard, but still...

Anyway we had a great night.

On Rocks and Dirt

So, we just moved into our condo. our little miniature backyard is pretty standard. There were a few overgrown bushes and it was edged with that black plastic stuff that keeps weeds from growing and makes it easier to edge. Anyway, my aunt, Ginger, was here and Adrienne asked her what she should do with the garden.

So Aunt Ginger reccommended taking out the black plastic lining and edging, and also removing the gravel that covered the plastic. She had a great plan which involved Adrienne Putting the gravel into plastic buckets and driving over to her house where the gravel could be emptied into the driveway behind the boathouse and then filled with dirt from a pile there. So Adrienne jumped into the project with gusto. She Spent her two days off last week taking the black lining out and trimming the bushes. Then she began the process of switching gravel for dirt.

She managed to fill four buckets before tiring. The buckets sat full of gravel in the yard for a week. Then on Saturday she decided to take them over and dump them. I was studying. A little while later she came down and asked for my help. She wasn't sure what to do with the dirt and her back hurt from carrying the buckets of rocks.

So I came upstairs and found to my suprise......... four buckets of wood chips.


The moral of the story:

1. Garden in small managable bits, unless you happen to be a professional gardener.
2. My wife needs a bit more guidance in gardening than most.

On old movies

There's something different about old movies. They seem to move at a snails pace sometimes. In life today it seems hard to appreciate those extra spaces.

We watched Rebecca, the Best Picture of 1940 according to that little golden man. It's an Alfred Hitchcock film. I really enjoyed it. It's been a while since I've watched an old movie. It's been a while since I watched any movie at all actually. But Adrienne isn't really one for old movies. She almost turned this one off because it was in black and white. There were a number of things I enjoyed:

1. Dialogue--how often do you see a movie that actually contains any. There are a few, mostly cult hits, that have a fair amount, but not intelligent.

2. Language--they actually used big words. Movies don't use language your average high school dropout can't understand. They used to though.

3. Suspense: Hitchcock was a master at building suspense. "He didn't use any blood or, at least in the films I've seen, sudden action to induce fear. He built suspense slowly, with carefully doled out information, hints, and a little music. And the great thing is, that from the first scene in the movie you know what's going to happen. Unbelievable.

4. Unexpectedness: The plot twists are so unexpected as to be nearly impossible to predict. He is able to build the movie up so much in one direction that when an alternate explanation of events becomes apparent it floors you.

ANyway, we had a good night. We walked down to Dominos and got a Pizza and then watch a good movie on TV. It was great. And now it's Sunday so I don't have to study for a whole day.

On oil

I hate getting my oil changed (or rather, my car's oil). Here's an expert taking care of something which is very important to me, but which I know nothing about. And everyhing costs a lot of money. I don't know what a dirty air filter looks like. How do you know when to change it. The guy comes up to my window and says, "your air filter is a little dirty, do you want to change it?" and he holds it up next to a clean one for me to inspect. On what basis do I make that decision. Or when the other guy comes up and says, "your engine needs to be flushed every 15,000 miles and it's looking pretty dirty. It's only 49 dollars to flush it." Then what do I say. If I follow all of their reccomendations I walk out paying 300 dollars for an oil change. Dealing with a new car is even worse. My old car, which I got new, was always up to date on everything. I kept track of it all and when the guy came up and said your moojoo fluid needs to be changed every 31725 miles I could respond, no I just had it done last time.

It's like the dentist. For the last 8 years or so, every time I've gone in to the dentist, they've told me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. But that's what they tell everyone. It's a standard procedure now. Btu do you really need to pony up the cash for it? I may end up sorry that I didn't get it done. Just like I might end up sorry that I didn't have them change the transmission fluid today.

When an expert is trying to sell you something, how do you know that you need it? Especially when they reccommend the same thing to every person they encounter. I watched the guy at the oil change place. He reccommended the same thing to every customer. He didn't even bother looking at the engine before telling them. But we all trust that guy. He's taking care of our car. All four people who followed me bought into what he said.

I hate getting my oil changed.

On dogs and doors

I've never done this on purpose, just so you know.


So whenever I come home it's a good idea to let the dog out to go to the bathroom and such nonesense. Usually the sliding glass door is closed but the screen door is open, so I just slide the glass open and he walks out. He's gotten used to it to the point where he doesn't really check, he just sees that I've opened it and walks through.

Every once in a while however the screen is closed. This results in the dog running directly into the screen, then turning around with a very perplexed look on his face.

Hilarious

Gas

The car I drive to school can make it about 4 trips back and forth to school before it needs a fill up. But it's pretty close. 4 trips is about 320 miles and the range on the car is about 340 or thereabouts. So if I drive it at all other than to school it endsup being a pretty close run. But me being me, i always think, no I can push it and make it.

Invariably when I try to push it this is what happens: the gas light comes on with 15-20 miles to go to my destination. Now I know that cars now generally give you a good 30-40 mile warning, but that doesn't reduce my stress level. As soon as that gas light comes on I'm a nervous wreck. I can't concentrate on anything other than on "Is my car still running?" This happened this morning, so my normally relaxing, stress free drive was disrupted and instead of getting to school in a relaxed state I'm a little discombobulated.

On top of that I'm mad. The old Corolla I had consistently got 38-40 mpg. This one gets 30-31. That means this car costs me about $500 more per year than the other one.

On Universities

This is amazing:

Students: You were initially assessed at the 2006-07 tuition/fee rates if you registered prior to July 31, 2007. The 15.8% tuition increase and additional fees were assessed after that date. This was AFTER financial aid disbursements and refund checks were generated. You must pay the additional tuition/fee charges from your own resources unless you are a financial aid recipient and plan to request a student loan increase. Other fee adjustments includen the addition of a new $1,059 fee - the Budget Contingency Fee.

This is from an email I got. It is amazing to me that a school can even consider raising rates after most people heve already paid. It's like going to the grocery store, paying, and then as you're walking through the parking lot having the cashier run after you..."Excuse me sir we just raised the cost of your groceries."

Universities in this country are a racket. They spend all sorts of money in crazy ways that heve nothing to do with education at the whim of those in charge, then they stick it to the students. And most of the students don't pay attention to the real cost because they're paying for it all with loans anyway, and the the loan agencies love it because they charge huge rates and make most of their money back before the student even graduates, because the federal government subsidizes the loans.

The Sabbath

I have decided. I will not study on Sundays. I am going to take one day every week and not devote it to school. Even if I have a test on Monday (I don't think they do that) . One of the things I am seeking in life right now is balance. Medical School is important to me, but I don't want it to be the only thing in my life. So here's to God, and to my wife and to my sanity and to all those other things that depend on me not devoting every minute to one thing.

The Voice

Sitting in church this morning I realized..."I miss The Voice." The Voice is raw. The Voice is unpolished. The Voice is passionate...even through a microphone. The Voice never even hints at performance...it is pure, an offering given up in brokenness. The Voice invites participation, it defies definition. It is beautiful, it is rare, it is an incredible gift to those blessed by it. It is the most inviting voice I have ever heard in church, and I miss it.

Happy Birthday

The big one three. I hope you have a wonderful day today.

Lab today

One thing I like about lab is that the instructors really encourage us to explore and not go strictly by the book. My table has become the table everybody comes to to see what they should do next. And the great thing is that it's not just because I'm there. I mean that's part of the reason, but whenever the lab instructors come over to tell us what a great job we're doing (they actually say that--the most common adjective applied by them to our dissection is beautiful) and start asking us questions everyone at the table answers. I think the biggest reason for that is that as we dissect we quiz each other. It's like a little competition.

Today we had a mini exposition. Most of the people in the lab came to see our dissection over the course of the lab with the statement, "I heard you had a beautiful..."

We opened the back today. We skinned it, then reflected the trapezius and latissimus dorsi to get a better view of the underlying muscles. Then we cut the rhomboids and the deltoids (It cracks me up that so many body parts are named by their shape).

Our group managed to find all of the arteries and nerves that we were supposed to find (the instructors have to explain to most groups what their looking at, so they're always a little suprised that we have already found it all.)

Then we cut back to see the deep back muscles around the spine. It was fun, I am really enjoying Gross Anatomy

Today

Three days in and still going strong.

On the first day in anatomy lab as we were finishing up this other guy and I started talking about what we had seen and doing a quick oral review. We were done a bit early and so had some time to kill. We started drawing the structures up on the blackboard (every wall is covered in blackboards for our use). I wasn't really paying attention, but when we had finished I looked up and there was a crowd of about 20 other people standing around in a circle watching us. Then they started asking questions...

Medical school is a lot of type A people all trying to out-type-A each other. Everyone is hyper-organized, and very busy looking. The instructrs pass out class notes that they follow pretty closely. There's not a whole lot they say that isn't in the notes. But every time I look around most of the class is hunched over their desks furiously taking notes...I often wonder what it is they are writing...then I start to think, maybe I'm falling behind. And maybe I am...I hope I don't flunk out.

on cadavers

I had an inteeresting experiencethis week. Monday was the first day of Gross Anatomy lab, which means it was the first day of dissection. I wasn't sure what to expect going into it. I've never even seen a dead body that I can remember. So to not only see it, but feel it and probe it and cut into it was a disconcerting feeling.

But when it came time to do it, it wasn't that weird. I just opened up the plastic bag and started exploring and learning. It did take some getting used to. But by Wednes day I was doing well. It really is a lot more helpful than books and illustrations. You can really see why medicine didn't begin to progress until vesalius began digging up human bodies and trying to figure out what was going on inside.

It sure doesn't look like the pictures in my book though.

On lectures

I have always had trouble staying awake in lectures. I have to move around a little and take notes to stay awake unless the lecturer is particularly interesting.

We're on break for our first lecture now. The subject is histology, the topic today is cells and organelles. I first learned this from Mr Campbell about 12 years ago and have had few biology classes without it since. It actually suprises me that they spend time on it here, because I have had fewer science classes than most.

Example: [picture showing several cells dyed pink with the nucleii dyed blue] "This is a nucleus, this too is a nucleus, oh and do you see this here--this is a nucleus, can anyone tell me what this is..[low indistinguishable murmur] yes that's right it's a nucleus.

To make matters worse the lecturer is this woman with a high pitched nasal voice. It reminds me of a Saturday night live skit for some reason. Good thing she's only lecturing today.

That said--I'm enjoying medical school so far.

On organizations

I'm currently sitting in the Green Lecture hall listening to a long series of presentations by a variety of student organizations. The nice thing about this particular lecture hall is that the actual presentations are going on next door in the Jaffar lecture hall, and are being played on the screen in here. So I can sit and type while they present without being rude. It's spectacular.


Highlights

Amigos: an organization that volunteers at clinics to translate(Spanish) in Mexican town (no not Tucson, an area in Detroit) and also takes trips to South Carolina and Mexico to volutnteer at clinics. South Carolina has a law that allows retired doctors to practice as long as they don't get paid and their patients don't have access to other health care. Also holds classes in Medical Spanish at lunch.

Medical Students for Choice: I have often wondered how sick you have to be to make it all the way through medical school and still be able to perform abortions.

World Health Student Organization: sounds cool but I wasn't listening very well because I was writing about Amigos. You can learn about lots of diseases and they have trips around the world.

Asian health association (or something like that): Dedicated to promoting the health of asians.

Black health association: See above

White health association (oops that one doesn't exist)

Covenant House: volunteer at a homless shelter for young adults--mentor, tutor, play games

Co-curricular: a program that allows you to get one month off your senior year if you spent time volunteering your first two years. This would allow you to have a month to do another international rotation, or just not have to do anything for a month.