Finally
I know it was only four days...it seemed an eternity.
Happiness
Sunlight in his eyes. Fitting him in the carseat. Crossing the threshold with my son.
Here we are.
Mom's sleeping. Ben's on my lap. One hand typing.
Nothing has changed.
They redid the echo...wait and see again, trips to the cardiologist in my future. Nobody really knows what's going to happen with his heart. It could heal itself and only need occasional monitering. It could lnd him back in the hospital. We continue to trust God to do his will.
Everthing has changed.
Life will never be the same...home from the hospital. The place we have prepared for him is finally in use. I put him in the crib I made. He's so small. An actual living thing sleeping in my arms...right now. We continue to thank God for the wonderful gifts he has given, the provision he has made for us.
Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
On hospitals and discontent
We're still at the hospital...day four. Tomorrow Ben will have an echocardiogram to look again at the abnormalities they saw on Friday. I'm not sure what to expect. He seems to be healthy, progressing normally. But I can't see his heart. It is trying to have to wait and see...to not know...to not have any power...to not be able to fix him...to not even know if he still has a problem.
It's a little draining being at the hospital. It is grating to see Bentley constantly attatched to the machines...heart rate...respiratory rate...O2 Sat...Blood Pressure...Temperature. Nurses looking over my shoulder...How much has he eaten...has he pooped yet...was his diaper wet...feeling inadequate. If he doesn't poop, what can I do...how many excuses can I make...
It's also hard to face so much uncertainty. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. I hope and pray that we will be able to take him home tomorrow. Maybe we'll stay...maybe we'll go...maybe he'll have to go to the ICU. And I can't do anything about it.
And so we trust God...to keep our son safe...to give us peace...to guide us into his will...to take us away from this place when the time is right.
It's a little draining being at the hospital. It is grating to see Bentley constantly attatched to the machines...heart rate...respiratory rate...O2 Sat...Blood Pressure...Temperature. Nurses looking over my shoulder...How much has he eaten...has he pooped yet...was his diaper wet...feeling inadequate. If he doesn't poop, what can I do...how many excuses can I make...
It's also hard to face so much uncertainty. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. I hope and pray that we will be able to take him home tomorrow. Maybe we'll stay...maybe we'll go...maybe he'll have to go to the ICU. And I can't do anything about it.
And so we trust God...to keep our son safe...to give us peace...to guide us into his will...to take us away from this place when the time is right.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The Elephant in the Room
I feel, perhaps, that I should communicate my feelings over the last forty-eight hours with the community of people that surround and love us. Because, after all, life is not what we plan, and sometimes God prepares a way for us, that we cannot predict.
My son (I know I'm still getting used to the idea too...it's kind of scary), has Down Syndrome. At least I believe he does. The blood test won't be back until early next week. But the doctors are fairly confident, and so, for that matter, am I (though admittedly my experience is limited.
It has been an interesting experience, communicating this fact to the people I love. Because no one knows how to react. A few people say, "I'm so sorry..." To which I respond "I'm not." Some just say "ok", some "that must be a shock," but the most common reaction is simply silence....or "really???" One friend couldn't figure out if I was joking or not. (I wasn't). Really, I don't know what reaction I expect...I wouldn't know which one to give.
So let me tell our story. Adrienne got pregnant 9 months ago (a predictable number I know). About six months ago she had an ultra sound...everything was normal, then two days later her doctor called. There was a barely perceptible fuzzy spot on the tape. Something that probably was nothing, and something that if it was something, still probably meant nothing. But, if it was there, and it meant something, then in less than two percent of cases it could indicate Down Syndrome. She offered furthur testing, but we really didn't care...it wouldn't have changed how we proceeded. Adrienne and I talked at length about it. Down Syndrome was something we had never imagined for our children. We feel called to reach out together to at risk, and special needs children...but our own offspring. It hadn't occured to us. But we prayed about it together.
Two days later, at school we had a panel of families with children with Down Syndrome. And it was incredible. The kids that came were some of the cutest, friendliest, happiest kids I had ever encountered. And I learned there to see children with Down Syndrome as children...who just needed a little extra care. On my way home that day, I prayed for our child (I didn't know it was a he yet) and I prayed that God would open my heart to whatever he had in store for us. And I prayed that if our child did have Down Syndrome, that I would rejoice in thanksgiving. That evening, Adrienne and I prayed together again, that we would accept whatever he had in store for us with joy.
I continued, throughout Adrienne's pregnancy, to experience God's work preparing my heart to accept his will. As I prayed for our child I knew the bond was forming between us, despite our physical separation.
So, when he was taken to the NICU, I went with him, to watch him begin to breath. When the pediatrician called in the neonatologist, I knew. When she said the words, my heart leapt for joy. God has blessed us with a child who will bring light and joy into our house. It is right, It is good. It is not a difficult thing to accept, or something to get used to. God has already done that work in our hearts. My son has Down Syndrome, and I am glad.
I know it will be difficult. I know that there will be trouble. I know that my life will never be the same. I also know that all of those things would be true if he didn't have Down Syndrome.
My son (I know I'm still getting used to the idea too...it's kind of scary), has Down Syndrome. At least I believe he does. The blood test won't be back until early next week. But the doctors are fairly confident, and so, for that matter, am I (though admittedly my experience is limited.
It has been an interesting experience, communicating this fact to the people I love. Because no one knows how to react. A few people say, "I'm so sorry..." To which I respond "I'm not." Some just say "ok", some "that must be a shock," but the most common reaction is simply silence....or "really???" One friend couldn't figure out if I was joking or not. (I wasn't). Really, I don't know what reaction I expect...I wouldn't know which one to give.
So let me tell our story. Adrienne got pregnant 9 months ago (a predictable number I know). About six months ago she had an ultra sound...everything was normal, then two days later her doctor called. There was a barely perceptible fuzzy spot on the tape. Something that probably was nothing, and something that if it was something, still probably meant nothing. But, if it was there, and it meant something, then in less than two percent of cases it could indicate Down Syndrome. She offered furthur testing, but we really didn't care...it wouldn't have changed how we proceeded. Adrienne and I talked at length about it. Down Syndrome was something we had never imagined for our children. We feel called to reach out together to at risk, and special needs children...but our own offspring. It hadn't occured to us. But we prayed about it together.
Two days later, at school we had a panel of families with children with Down Syndrome. And it was incredible. The kids that came were some of the cutest, friendliest, happiest kids I had ever encountered. And I learned there to see children with Down Syndrome as children...who just needed a little extra care. On my way home that day, I prayed for our child (I didn't know it was a he yet) and I prayed that God would open my heart to whatever he had in store for us. And I prayed that if our child did have Down Syndrome, that I would rejoice in thanksgiving. That evening, Adrienne and I prayed together again, that we would accept whatever he had in store for us with joy.
I continued, throughout Adrienne's pregnancy, to experience God's work preparing my heart to accept his will. As I prayed for our child I knew the bond was forming between us, despite our physical separation.
So, when he was taken to the NICU, I went with him, to watch him begin to breath. When the pediatrician called in the neonatologist, I knew. When she said the words, my heart leapt for joy. God has blessed us with a child who will bring light and joy into our house. It is right, It is good. It is not a difficult thing to accept, or something to get used to. God has already done that work in our hearts. My son has Down Syndrome, and I am glad.
I know it will be difficult. I know that there will be trouble. I know that my life will never be the same. I also know that all of those things would be true if he didn't have Down Syndrome.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
bugs and bugs
So last night I was sitting up reading a little. My light was on...I looked up and there were 40+ species of insect in bed with me...literally, I counted as well as I could. They ranged from a couple inches to barely visible. And I have screens on all my windows. Imagine life without screens.
Today was really my first full day at the hospital...I knew that there are a lot of diseases in Haiti that really don't exist anymore in other places. I just didn't realize how prevelant they are. I only saw around ten patients and I saw two cases of malaria, one of typhoid, one of TB, and another of scabies. One of the malaria cases was a 14 month old little girl. She ended up staying in the hospital.
Today was really my first full day at the hospital...I knew that there are a lot of diseases in Haiti that really don't exist anymore in other places. I just didn't realize how prevelant they are. I only saw around ten patients and I saw two cases of malaria, one of typhoid, one of TB, and another of scabies. One of the malaria cases was a 14 month old little girl. She ended up staying in the hospital.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
hospital time
Today was a slow day at the hospital apparently. Could have fooled me...can't wait to see it on a busy day.
I was able to communicate with a number of the doctors. Apparently under Aristide the goverment started handing out scholarships to study medicine in Cuba....which is good since Cuba trains pretty good doctors. So a few of the doctors at the hospital speak Spanish well. so I talked in Spanish more than English and Creole combined today.
the biggest business at the hospital is the maternity ward. Haiti has a high birth rate and a high infant mortality rate. Because of the lack of prenatal care eclampsia (that's what preelcampsia becomes if left untreated--pretty rare in the US) is a major problem. The have a whole room of beds devoted to it.
Judging how busy the hospital is difficult because every admited patient brings at least one guest to take care of them, prepare their food etc. This keeps prices down, but increases crowdedness.
peace
I was able to communicate with a number of the doctors. Apparently under Aristide the goverment started handing out scholarships to study medicine in Cuba....which is good since Cuba trains pretty good doctors. So a few of the doctors at the hospital speak Spanish well. so I talked in Spanish more than English and Creole combined today.
the biggest business at the hospital is the maternity ward. Haiti has a high birth rate and a high infant mortality rate. Because of the lack of prenatal care eclampsia (that's what preelcampsia becomes if left untreated--pretty rare in the US) is a major problem. The have a whole room of beds devoted to it.
Judging how busy the hospital is difficult because every admited patient brings at least one guest to take care of them, prepare their food etc. This keeps prices down, but increases crowdedness.
peace
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
