The Elephant in the Room

I feel, perhaps, that I should communicate my feelings over the last forty-eight hours with the community of people that surround and love us. Because, after all, life is not what we plan, and sometimes God prepares a way for us, that we cannot predict.

My son (I know I'm still getting used to the idea too...it's kind of scary), has Down Syndrome. At least I believe he does. The blood test won't be back until early next week. But the doctors are fairly confident, and so, for that matter, am I (though admittedly my experience is limited.

It has been an interesting experience, communicating this fact to the people I love. Because no one knows how to react. A few people say, "I'm so sorry..." To which I respond "I'm not." Some just say "ok", some "that must be a shock," but the most common reaction is simply silence....or "really???" One friend couldn't figure out if I was joking or not. (I wasn't). Really, I don't know what reaction I expect...I wouldn't know which one to give.

So let me tell our story. Adrienne got pregnant 9 months ago (a predictable number I know). About six months ago she had an ultra sound...everything was normal, then two days later her doctor called. There was a barely perceptible fuzzy spot on the tape. Something that probably was nothing, and something that if it was something, still probably meant nothing. But, if it was there, and it meant something, then in less than two percent of cases it could indicate Down Syndrome. She offered furthur testing, but we really didn't care...it wouldn't have changed how we proceeded. Adrienne and I talked at length about it. Down Syndrome was something we had never imagined for our children. We feel called to reach out together to at risk, and special needs children...but our own offspring. It hadn't occured to us. But we prayed about it together.

Two days later, at school we had a panel of families with children with Down Syndrome. And it was incredible. The kids that came were some of the cutest, friendliest, happiest kids I had ever encountered. And I learned there to see children with Down Syndrome as children...who just needed a little extra care. On my way home that day, I prayed for our child (I didn't know it was a he yet) and I prayed that God would open my heart to whatever he had in store for us. And I prayed that if our child did have Down Syndrome, that I would rejoice in thanksgiving. That evening, Adrienne and I prayed together again, that we would accept whatever he had in store for us with joy.

I continued, throughout Adrienne's pregnancy, to experience God's work preparing my heart to accept his will. As I prayed for our child I knew the bond was forming between us, despite our physical separation.

So, when he was taken to the NICU, I went with him, to watch him begin to breath. When the pediatrician called in the neonatologist, I knew. When she said the words, my heart leapt for joy. God has blessed us with a child who will bring light and joy into our house. It is right, It is good. It is not a difficult thing to accept, or something to get used to. God has already done that work in our hearts. My son has Down Syndrome, and I am glad.

I know it will be difficult. I know that there will be trouble. I know that my life will never be the same. I also know that all of those things would be true if he didn't have Down Syndrome.