On oil

I hate getting my oil changed (or rather, my car's oil). Here's an expert taking care of something which is very important to me, but which I know nothing about. And everyhing costs a lot of money. I don't know what a dirty air filter looks like. How do you know when to change it. The guy comes up to my window and says, "your air filter is a little dirty, do you want to change it?" and he holds it up next to a clean one for me to inspect. On what basis do I make that decision. Or when the other guy comes up and says, "your engine needs to be flushed every 15,000 miles and it's looking pretty dirty. It's only 49 dollars to flush it." Then what do I say. If I follow all of their reccomendations I walk out paying 300 dollars for an oil change. Dealing with a new car is even worse. My old car, which I got new, was always up to date on everything. I kept track of it all and when the guy came up and said your moojoo fluid needs to be changed every 31725 miles I could respond, no I just had it done last time.

It's like the dentist. For the last 8 years or so, every time I've gone in to the dentist, they've told me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. But that's what they tell everyone. It's a standard procedure now. Btu do you really need to pony up the cash for it? I may end up sorry that I didn't get it done. Just like I might end up sorry that I didn't have them change the transmission fluid today.

When an expert is trying to sell you something, how do you know that you need it? Especially when they reccommend the same thing to every person they encounter. I watched the guy at the oil change place. He reccommended the same thing to every customer. He didn't even bother looking at the engine before telling them. But we all trust that guy. He's taking care of our car. All four people who followed me bought into what he said.

I hate getting my oil changed.

On dogs and doors

I've never done this on purpose, just so you know.


So whenever I come home it's a good idea to let the dog out to go to the bathroom and such nonesense. Usually the sliding glass door is closed but the screen door is open, so I just slide the glass open and he walks out. He's gotten used to it to the point where he doesn't really check, he just sees that I've opened it and walks through.

Every once in a while however the screen is closed. This results in the dog running directly into the screen, then turning around with a very perplexed look on his face.

Hilarious

Gas

The car I drive to school can make it about 4 trips back and forth to school before it needs a fill up. But it's pretty close. 4 trips is about 320 miles and the range on the car is about 340 or thereabouts. So if I drive it at all other than to school it endsup being a pretty close run. But me being me, i always think, no I can push it and make it.

Invariably when I try to push it this is what happens: the gas light comes on with 15-20 miles to go to my destination. Now I know that cars now generally give you a good 30-40 mile warning, but that doesn't reduce my stress level. As soon as that gas light comes on I'm a nervous wreck. I can't concentrate on anything other than on "Is my car still running?" This happened this morning, so my normally relaxing, stress free drive was disrupted and instead of getting to school in a relaxed state I'm a little discombobulated.

On top of that I'm mad. The old Corolla I had consistently got 38-40 mpg. This one gets 30-31. That means this car costs me about $500 more per year than the other one.

On Universities

This is amazing:

Students: You were initially assessed at the 2006-07 tuition/fee rates if you registered prior to July 31, 2007. The 15.8% tuition increase and additional fees were assessed after that date. This was AFTER financial aid disbursements and refund checks were generated. You must pay the additional tuition/fee charges from your own resources unless you are a financial aid recipient and plan to request a student loan increase. Other fee adjustments includen the addition of a new $1,059 fee - the Budget Contingency Fee.

This is from an email I got. It is amazing to me that a school can even consider raising rates after most people heve already paid. It's like going to the grocery store, paying, and then as you're walking through the parking lot having the cashier run after you..."Excuse me sir we just raised the cost of your groceries."

Universities in this country are a racket. They spend all sorts of money in crazy ways that heve nothing to do with education at the whim of those in charge, then they stick it to the students. And most of the students don't pay attention to the real cost because they're paying for it all with loans anyway, and the the loan agencies love it because they charge huge rates and make most of their money back before the student even graduates, because the federal government subsidizes the loans.

The Sabbath

I have decided. I will not study on Sundays. I am going to take one day every week and not devote it to school. Even if I have a test on Monday (I don't think they do that) . One of the things I am seeking in life right now is balance. Medical School is important to me, but I don't want it to be the only thing in my life. So here's to God, and to my wife and to my sanity and to all those other things that depend on me not devoting every minute to one thing.

The Voice

Sitting in church this morning I realized..."I miss The Voice." The Voice is raw. The Voice is unpolished. The Voice is passionate...even through a microphone. The Voice never even hints at performance...it is pure, an offering given up in brokenness. The Voice invites participation, it defies definition. It is beautiful, it is rare, it is an incredible gift to those blessed by it. It is the most inviting voice I have ever heard in church, and I miss it.

Happy Birthday

The big one three. I hope you have a wonderful day today.

Lab today

One thing I like about lab is that the instructors really encourage us to explore and not go strictly by the book. My table has become the table everybody comes to to see what they should do next. And the great thing is that it's not just because I'm there. I mean that's part of the reason, but whenever the lab instructors come over to tell us what a great job we're doing (they actually say that--the most common adjective applied by them to our dissection is beautiful) and start asking us questions everyone at the table answers. I think the biggest reason for that is that as we dissect we quiz each other. It's like a little competition.

Today we had a mini exposition. Most of the people in the lab came to see our dissection over the course of the lab with the statement, "I heard you had a beautiful..."

We opened the back today. We skinned it, then reflected the trapezius and latissimus dorsi to get a better view of the underlying muscles. Then we cut the rhomboids and the deltoids (It cracks me up that so many body parts are named by their shape).

Our group managed to find all of the arteries and nerves that we were supposed to find (the instructors have to explain to most groups what their looking at, so they're always a little suprised that we have already found it all.)

Then we cut back to see the deep back muscles around the spine. It was fun, I am really enjoying Gross Anatomy

Today

Three days in and still going strong.

On the first day in anatomy lab as we were finishing up this other guy and I started talking about what we had seen and doing a quick oral review. We were done a bit early and so had some time to kill. We started drawing the structures up on the blackboard (every wall is covered in blackboards for our use). I wasn't really paying attention, but when we had finished I looked up and there was a crowd of about 20 other people standing around in a circle watching us. Then they started asking questions...

Medical school is a lot of type A people all trying to out-type-A each other. Everyone is hyper-organized, and very busy looking. The instructrs pass out class notes that they follow pretty closely. There's not a whole lot they say that isn't in the notes. But every time I look around most of the class is hunched over their desks furiously taking notes...I often wonder what it is they are writing...then I start to think, maybe I'm falling behind. And maybe I am...I hope I don't flunk out.

on cadavers

I had an inteeresting experiencethis week. Monday was the first day of Gross Anatomy lab, which means it was the first day of dissection. I wasn't sure what to expect going into it. I've never even seen a dead body that I can remember. So to not only see it, but feel it and probe it and cut into it was a disconcerting feeling.

But when it came time to do it, it wasn't that weird. I just opened up the plastic bag and started exploring and learning. It did take some getting used to. But by Wednes day I was doing well. It really is a lot more helpful than books and illustrations. You can really see why medicine didn't begin to progress until vesalius began digging up human bodies and trying to figure out what was going on inside.

It sure doesn't look like the pictures in my book though.

On lectures

I have always had trouble staying awake in lectures. I have to move around a little and take notes to stay awake unless the lecturer is particularly interesting.

We're on break for our first lecture now. The subject is histology, the topic today is cells and organelles. I first learned this from Mr Campbell about 12 years ago and have had few biology classes without it since. It actually suprises me that they spend time on it here, because I have had fewer science classes than most.

Example: [picture showing several cells dyed pink with the nucleii dyed blue] "This is a nucleus, this too is a nucleus, oh and do you see this here--this is a nucleus, can anyone tell me what this is..[low indistinguishable murmur] yes that's right it's a nucleus.

To make matters worse the lecturer is this woman with a high pitched nasal voice. It reminds me of a Saturday night live skit for some reason. Good thing she's only lecturing today.

That said--I'm enjoying medical school so far.

On organizations

I'm currently sitting in the Green Lecture hall listening to a long series of presentations by a variety of student organizations. The nice thing about this particular lecture hall is that the actual presentations are going on next door in the Jaffar lecture hall, and are being played on the screen in here. So I can sit and type while they present without being rude. It's spectacular.


Highlights

Amigos: an organization that volunteers at clinics to translate(Spanish) in Mexican town (no not Tucson, an area in Detroit) and also takes trips to South Carolina and Mexico to volutnteer at clinics. South Carolina has a law that allows retired doctors to practice as long as they don't get paid and their patients don't have access to other health care. Also holds classes in Medical Spanish at lunch.

Medical Students for Choice: I have often wondered how sick you have to be to make it all the way through medical school and still be able to perform abortions.

World Health Student Organization: sounds cool but I wasn't listening very well because I was writing about Amigos. You can learn about lots of diseases and they have trips around the world.

Asian health association (or something like that): Dedicated to promoting the health of asians.

Black health association: See above

White health association (oops that one doesn't exist)

Covenant House: volunteer at a homless shelter for young adults--mentor, tutor, play games

Co-curricular: a program that allows you to get one month off your senior year if you spent time volunteering your first two years. This would allow you to have a month to do another international rotation, or just not have to do anything for a month.

On a day

I'm sorry if I sounded bitter. I just hate having time stolen from me. It is a valuable commodity, and though I often waste it, I do value it and resent its theft.

Diversity training is, apparently, a rite of passage at the modern university. A lot of the people at the school went to Michigan so they're used to it. From what I hear, at the U of M you have to sit through entire classes devoted to this subject.

Michigan's state Universities are doing their best to skirt, bend and break the law that was recently passed by an overwhelming number of Michigan voters. In fact the executive vice dean (an old white male) said as much, and then gave us the little wink wink and said, "but none of is in jail yet, so that's good."

I'm sick of the meaningless platitudes. It devalues language. The diversity indusrty has taken a whole group of words and rendered them meaningless. When you sit in one of these seminars, none of it makes any sense unless you let your eyes glaze over a little and try to ignore the actual words. That's how you can tell all this goobledegook was invented by stoned teenagers in the 60's who couldn't be bothered to go to class and actually learn English. Now they impose their lack of sense on us.

Don't worry though, I don't have anything against any gender(though if I were female I think it might be ok to hate males), ethnicity, nationality (except Carthaginians, and sometimes Americans--thats ok isn't it), political party(except communists--oops, they're back in style now), religion (except sun worshipers and goat blood drinkers--are they a protected minority group?) (remember, its sheik to flout Islam{ha ha sometimes I crack myself up}), sexual orientation(just make something new up, it happens all the time), age (unless of course their under 9 months, then we can advocate death), or race (except the race for the cure--with one of the highest success rates I think its time to focus on curing a disease that can potentially affect more than fifty percent of the population)

curiously one of the things you aren't supposed to discriminate against was labeled "Other"

Everybody talked about how prejudice and discrimination shape our society and shared stories about how they've been discriminated against....well all the minorities got to talk about that--they didn't really ask me to speak.

Luckily there was a small coterie of relatively intelligent individuals who recognized this series of activities for what it was. We had a good laugh about it. This upset the facillitator but she wasn't from the University so its ok, she also wasn't quite with it enough to recognize sarcasm(Why is it that people who make their livings talking about diversity never seem to get sarcasm).

On Diversity

How has prejudice affected your life?
>insert sob story here<

Would you rather be a single black female with three children or a sixty year old white aerospace engineer?
(oh yeah the she's a nulear physisist whose husband died in Iraq and he's a child molester)

>really deep and significant conversation about how people aren't what they seem here<

Diversity is good in and of itself.

>light applause and vigorous nodding<

As a arab muslim woman I am persecuted

>more head nodding, sympathetic looks, and grunts of agreement<

Blah Blah Blah

On the beginning

I'm here, waiting for orientation to begin on the second day. Orientation is a slow tortuous process, that seems to be full of waiting for things to start, and waiting for things to end. Today is the feelings day. You know the one that is now mandatory in any university orientation. We get to talk about how everyone is different ad how everyone is the same, and how everybody matters, except of course for anyone who actually thinks something.

more later, We're about to start.

On being out of shape

I pulled my quadricep...I think. I kicked the soccer ball and my leg complained loudly. Then I could hardly run for the rest of the game. Today it's killing me.

It was fun though. Playing with a nonfunctioning leg really forces you to use your head more and get into position. I did however miss a few plays because I couldn't get the force I needed to into the ball.

Moral of the story: Stretch before you play sports.

On whirly ball

I played whirlyball last night. "What is whirlyball?" you ask. Good question. Basically it's a game where ou ride around on bumper cars and run into each other and try to get a little whiffle ball through a net. It's pretty fun, though it is hard on your body. It's basically one long nonstop whiplash session, with your body being thrown back and forth as yourun into people and they run into you. The worst is where the seatbelt runs across you hips. I've got these big red marks on my hips from the seatbelt.

That is of course preferable to not wearing the satbelt. During the first game I forgot to put my seatbelt on and almost went flying out of the car.

on 100

This is a completely useless post, but it is number one hundred...so there.

On atheism

About 3 years ago my grandfather joined with three other well-educated elderly men to discuss theology and religion in a weekly group. The stated goal was to examine theology and the central ideas of Christianity (and eventually other religions) and to attempt to find some rational basis for them.

As you all probably know, I myself am a little wary of rational proofs of the existence of God. Their pursuit has led many down the wide road that leads away from faith. In fact, the pursuit of rational foundations led me away from Christianity for a number of years.

The last time I came to Michigan was about two years ago. It was around this time that my grandfather was most involved and invested in the work of this group. I remember at that time that they had reached the conclusion that they needed to scrap everything and begin to build up sa new theology from the ground up by drawing in lots of different religions. They were very much into the Jesus Seminar and took every chance to question, and deny theological truths. I remember that on that particular visit my father was quite upset.

The group continued in this manner, and it eventually became clear that the other three members of the group were drifting (or conciously moving) towards atheism. They continued to ridicule and tear down religious ideas. About a year ago my grandfather began to separate himself from the ideas of he group and to attempt to build rather than destroy.

Due to his close friendship with the gentlemen in question he continued to attend the meetings, but became more and more forceful in his arguments for God. Today he went to his last meeting and told the other members that he would not be returning. Good for him. Now he is faced with the job of rebuilding a faith he has spent years tearing apart.

I know this place well. I have spent the last two years attempting to piece together a faith that I argued against for a long time. I ridiculed, derided, and generally laughed at Christian faith. That makes it more difficult now than it was before to maintain that faith.

There is a promise though, "those who seek will find, those who ask will receive and to those who knock the door will be opened." This has meant a lot to me over the last few years.

I'm bored

We moved in, now I sit around all day twiddling my thumbs. I'm ready and anxious for school to start. Really I'm waiting for the weekend, because then all sorts of stuff will start to happen. I'll play soccer again, we'll go to church again etc. Then on Monday I start. but until then.....

The past couple of days have been difficult though. Floating. We don't have any routines or places yet. So I end up sitting around the house reading or watching TV. Drifting, without purpose, without meaning. I also tend to eat too much when I'm bored. It didn't help that it rained all day yesterday. I couldn't even go out for a bike ride or anything.

I did finish Harry Potter though. I thought it was an excellent finish. A good resolution to a great story.

Anyway, hopefully today I'll be able to find some purpose in life. And it's not raining...yet